Wedding planning articles by Glenna Tooman, Memory Makers Event Planning, Boise Idaho

According to the National Step-parenting Association, over 25% of brides or grooms have children from a previous marriage or relationship. Bringing a new spouse into the parent-child relationship can be a challenge. Children may feel threatened by the loss of their parent’s time and attention. They may feel that they are no longer loved as much as they were previously and this can lead to resentment toward the new spouse.

By including the child in the wedding planning and in the ceremony, the parent and the new step-parent can demonstrate that they love the child and want to create a new family relationship. The step-parent will be perceived as a supportive and loving person rather than an intruder.

As soon as a couple becomes engaged, the children should be the first ones to be informed of the wedding plans. Don’t let them hear the news second hand. If there is an ex-spouse, he or she will need to be informed as well and any necessary visitation arrangements made so the children can be present at the wedding.

If the children are old enough, let them be involved in the wedding planning. Take them shopping; let them help make decorations, favors, and other items. Ask them to be part of the wedding party. Let them have a say in choosing what they will wear. Include older girls when having hair and nails done. If the child first refuses to become involved, that is okay. They may need time to adjust to the idea. Don’t force them, but instead let them set the pace. Most come around in time.

On the wedding day, the new spouse may want to make a vow of commitment to the children as part of the wedding ceremony. The couple should first exchange their vows and rings and be pronounced husband and wife. Then, the children can be called to join the couple. The new spouse can then vow to love, cherish, encourage, respect, support, and nurture the child/children. He/she may want to include other things in the vow as well. For instance, if the child loves baseball, the groom might vow to teach him/her to pitch, knowing that the child can fully grasp that idea. Include those attributes in the vow that are most appropriate to your relationship.

As a part of the ceremony, the new step-parent may choose to present the child with a Family Medallion or another tangible reminder of the vow. The Family Medallion is a necklace with a small medallion. The medallion is oval and contains three intertwining circles representing the parent, new step-parent, and the child. The child’s name and the date can be engraved on the back of the medallion. The medallion comes with a booklet of suggested readings and/or prayers for presentation. You can purchase the medallions by visiting www.familymedallion.com.

It takes time to develop a relationship with a step-child, but it is important to the success of the marriage that the child feel that he/she is a part of the new family. By including the child in the wedding planning and the ceremony, the foundation for the future relationship can be established takes time to develop a relationship with a step-child, but it is important to the success of the marriage that the child feel that he/she is a part of the new family. By including the child in the wedding planning and the ceremony, the foundation for the future relationship can be established.

Wedding Cake Do’s and Don’ts

You spent several hundred dollars for a beautiful and elaborate wedding cake, a replica of one that you saw in a magazine. Everyone remarks on how pretty it is, and you are delighted. Then, a half hour into the reception, just as you are beginning to relax and enjoy yourselves, your coordinator tells you that the cake is starting to collapse and you need to cut it now while there is still time to salvage it and to get those special pictures. You rush to the cake table, place a forced smile on your face and quickly cut the cake.

Unfortunately, this scenario occurs all too often, especially at summer weddings, but it can be prevented. You can alleviate some of the problems by considering the following things when you choose your cake.

Cakes don’t tolerate heat, particularly cakes made with butter crème icing, nor do they tolerate wind. Keep the cake indoors, if possible, or in the shade. If the cake must be placed outdoors, first place it in a refrigerator or freezer, if possible (your baker may do this before delivery). Do this before fresh flowers are added and do not totally freeze the cake. If the cake will be placed indoors, don't place it in sunlight or near heat registers. A cake made with a thin jelly-type filling between the layers will withstand heat better than one that contains a thick cream filling. Have the cake delivered as late as possible so that it doesn’t stand for several hours before being cut.

Place the cake in a location that is level; otherwise, it may tip or slide. Shim the table legs if necessary to make them level. Cakes that have pillars between the layers are more apt to tip or collapse than those in which the layers are stacked directly on top of one another or placed on individual pedestals.

Rather than ordering an extremely large or tall cake, which can create problems, order a smaller one (three layers looks nice in photos) and then order sheet cakes or individual round cakes to supplement. A very large cake will be difficult for the baker to deliver and assemble without mishaps and it will be difficult to disassemble and serve, as well as increasing the chance of the cake tipping or falling.

By considering your location and choosing a style of cake that works best in that location, you can enjoy your lovely cake without unpleasant surprises to spoil your day.

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Wedding Insurance – A Good Idea or a Waste of Money?

You insure your car, your home, your health, and your life. Now you can insure your wedding too. Insurance for your wedding is one of the newest products on the market. But do you really need it, or is it a waste of money?

Wedding insurance has been popular in Great Britain for a few years. Today, a number of companies in the U.S. are also offering wedding insurance. Most policies offer varying amounts of coverage for varying fees with the most expensive policy costing less than $400 for a wedding held in this country. If you are planning a destination wedding, coverage can be obtained at a slightly higher fee.

Most insurance policies will insure you against:

Unforeseen weather problems (are you planning a wedding in Florida or the Bahamas during hurricane season?). This must be a major problem that will prevent you from holding the wedding as scheduled or that will prevent a majority of your guests from attending, not an afternoon thunder storm.
Cancellation or postponement of the wedding. If you or the groom is in the military and is called to active duty, you might need to postpone the wedding. One of you or a close family member could be injured in an accident, have a sudden illness, or even die, necessitating a change in wedding plans. Insurance would cover the lost deposits.
Failure of merchants to perform their contracted services. This might include a caterer who goes bankrupt just before the wedding or an event center that closes just before your event. Or perhaps the florist takes your money, then skips the country (all of these things have actually happened to unsuspecting clients). If you have paid a deposit or the full fee to such merchants, you will be reimbursed. Some policies will also cover the cost of legal fees to collect from errant merchants.
Damage to the wedding attire. If the bridal salon catches fire and your gown or your attendants’ gowns are ruined, or the airline sends your gown to Timbuktu, you can be reimbursed.
Photographs and video. If the photographer fails to show up or he neglects to put film in his camera, his equipment is defective, or the video camera doesn’t work, you may be able to recreate the wedding photos at a later date and receive payment for the recreation.
Theft of the wedding gifts or the wedding rings. If you leave your gifts in another room while your ceremony is occurring and they are stolen, or someone breaks into the car in which the gifts are being transported, you can be reimbursed. You can also be reimbursed for loss or theft of the wedding rings, but not the bride’s engagement ring.
Professional counseling. Some policies will pay a limited amount toward counseling if you are left standing at the altar and you need therapy to work through it.

Most policies will not cover the lost deposits if either the bride or groom changes their mind and breaks the engagement.

Before you purchase wedding insurance, check with the company that writes your homeowner’s or renter’s insurance policy and find out exactly what is covered under that policy. Also check the liability insurance policy at the venue where your wedding will be held. Depending on your coverage, you may not need a separate insurance policy, or your current insurer may be able to add a rider to your existing policy to cover the wedding.

Whether wedding insurance is right for you will depend on your circumstances, but it may be worth the cost, particularly if you are planning a destination wedding.

Wedding Planning for the Older Bride

You have been alone for several years; now you have found that special someone with whom to share your life. As you begin your wedding planning, you will find that you have many more decisions to make than younger brides. Your body has changed and the gown that looks great on a 25 year-old will not look the same on a 50 year-old. You may have children and possibly grandchildren to consider. You may have a home and/or investments that you want to leave to your family. You or your groom may have health issues. All of these things and more need to be considered before you say “I Do.”

Wedding Gown: Many older women find choosing a wedding gown to be the most difficult part of planning their wedding. Unless you work out regularly, you may not want a revealing gown like those found in most bridal salons. Instead, look for gowns designed for cruises and for party dresses or consider having a dress made.

Children: If you have children, either still at home or grown, you will want to provide for their futures. If you have young children, you should have a will that includes guardianship provisions if something should happen to you. You may or may not want your new spouse to assume guardianship. Perhaps a sibling or your parents would be a better choice.

Assets: You may want your personal assets, including investments and property, to go to your children in case of your death rather than to your new spouse and his children. If so, you should talk with an attorney and draw up both a will and a pre-marital agreement to assure that your wishes are fulfilled.

Home/business: You and/or your future husband may own a home or a business. If one or both of you have homes, you will need to decide where you will live and what you will do with the other property. You might choose to live in one of the homes and either sell or rent the other. Or, you may decide to sell both homes and purchase one together. This is sometimes a better option if one or both of you lived in the home with a previous spouse.

If one or both of you owns a business, you may need to contact an attorney to draw up a succession plan if you have not yet done so. The plan will include instructions about the future of the business, including future ownership and how the assets of the business will be handled. If the business is a sole proprietorship or a partnership, the business will automatically dissolve upon the death of the owner, so you will want to be prepared.

Health: If one or both of you suffer from a long term health problem, you may need to determine how the expenses of the illness, as well as any future care needs, will be handled. If one of you has health insurance through a former spouse’s employer, you may lose it when you remarry.

Debts: One or both of you may bring debts into the marriage. If the debts are significant, you may need to maintain separate bank accounts and keep your assets separate until the debts have been satisfied. If one of you has a poor credit record or a past bankruptcy that could adversely affect both of you if you commingle your finances.

Pension Payments/Survivor Benefits Payments: If you or your fiancé receive survivor benefit payments or pension payments related to the retirement of a deceased spouse, you may lose those payments when your remarry, so be sure to find out. This is also true for military retirement and survivor benefit payments.

Social Security: If you are receiving Social Security survivor benefit payments on your deceased spouse’s earning record and you are under age 60, you may lose those benefits if you remarry. If you remarry after age 60 (50 if you are disabled), you will continue to collect benefits.

Sharing your older years with a new spouse can bring great happiness but getting to the altar successfully will take some careful planning to be certain that you are not unpleasantly surprised by the loss of income, insurance, or other issues. Therefore, take some time to visit with your attorney and an accountant to make sure that you are fully prepared to enter the next phase of your new life.

Help the Environment by Planning a Green Wedding

Originally published in Organic Family magazine February 2007.

Picture the typical landfill on a windy day: paper napkins blow in the breeze; paper plates skim across the ground, which is littered with plastic forks and spoons. Much of this waste is generated at weddings and other social events. You can do your part to reduce landfill waste and help the environment by making wise choices as you plan your wedding. It takes only a few changes to make a big impact on the amount of generated waste. Following are suggestions for environmentally friendly choices that you can easily incorporate into your wedding.

Invitations - Begin with your choice of invitations. First, forget about the inner envelope, which is a waste of paper and postage. More modern invitation styles omit the second envelope and you can too. Choose invitations printed on recycled paper or made from a non-tree fiber, such as cotton or bamboo. You might also choose invitations made of recycled paper with flower seeds embedded in them so that guests can plant the invitation as a lasting remembrance of your wedding. By using a postcard for the RSVP instead of a card with envelope, you will reduce both waste and postage.

Attire - When choosing your gown, look for one made from natural, not synthetic, fibers. You will find beautiful gowns made from raw silk, linen, cotton, hemp, and other materials. You might also borrow a gown or wear your mother’s or sister’s. The groom and his attendants might wear suits, which can be worn in the future, instead of renting tuxedos, which require cleaning after every wearing.

Decorations - As you plan the decorations for your ceremony and reception, omit items such as balloons and crepe paper. Instead, choose flowers, herbs, leaves, grasses, and other natural materials. Rent vases for centerpieces from your florist or from a rental center. That way, the same item is reused many times. Consider using potted plants, including pots of herbs, for centerpieces. If you don’t have a garden in which to plant them later, give them as gifts to people who helped with the wedding.

Flowers - If you like the look of silk flowers and you has a use for the bouquets and arrangements later, then use silk. Otherwise, use live flowers, which will biodegrade. After the wedding you might donate large arrangements to your church or to a nursing home, shelter home, or assisted living center where the residents can enjoy them.

Photography - Choose a photographer who shoots digitally. This will save on film, packaging, and developing. Ask about albums that use less paper or that are made from recycled paper or another fiber, such as cotton or bamboo.

Catering – Choose a caterer that uses locally grown organic ingredients, not canned, frozen, or packaged ones, in the preparation of their food. Not only will the food taste better, but you will save on all of the packaging and on the pollution associated with transportation.

You can prevent a great deal of waste by asking your caterer to use real dishware, not disposable plates and plastic utensils. Also rent coffee cups and glassware rather than using plastic or Styrofoam. Avoid using plastic tablecloths or paper napkins. Though it may cost a bit more to rent dishes, glasses, and linens, and they will all need to be washed (by the rental center, not you), you will keep a huge amount of refuse out of the landfill. If you choose to provide disposable plates, eating utensils, and napkins, choose those made from recycled paper, sugarcane, cornstarch, or other biodegradable materials, such as those found at http://www.earthwarebiodegradables.com/.

Ask the caterer what happens to left-over food. If you are having your reception at a hotel, restaurant or another facility that has an in-house kitchen, you won’t have leftovers. If you are using the services of an outside caterer to bring prepared food to your location, ask for the leftovers that are safe to be consumed later. You paid for them, so you should get them. Health laws require that foods containing eggs, cream, seafood, mayonnaise, and some other ingredients must be disposed of after setting at room temperature for a period of time. Other items, such as pasta salad, green salad (minus the dressing), some cheeses, fruits, and breads should be fine for you to take. Be sure to provide zip-lock bags and coolers with ice in which to store the food. If you don’t have a use for the food, donate it to a homeless shelter or soup kitchen.

Ask your caterer and bartender to provide containers to sort cans and glass for easy recycling later.

Wedding Cake - If you are inviting more than about 100 guests, order a smaller wedding cake and supplement with sheet cakes. The sheet cakes require less icing and decoration and therefore cost less, as well as saving on ingredients. If you have left-over cake and you don’t think you will eat it soon, then take it to a shelter. The residents will enjoy the treat.

Favors - If you choose to give favors to your guests, consider giving items that can be consumed or planted, such as packets of flower seeds or tree seedlings, which can be ordered from http://www.arborday.org/. If you give candy or another consumable item, avoid those with the most packaging.

Transportation - If you will have a number of out-of-town guests attending the wedding, arrange transportation for them from their hotel to the ceremony and reception locations so they don’t need to rent cars. Most hotels will provide shuttle service to and from the airport. Many cities offer trolleys and shuttle buses that can be rented by the hour. If your city doesn’t, then rent one or more passenger vans and ask a friend or relative to act as chauffeur.

With a bit of planning, it is easy to make your wedding more earth-friendly, from the invitations that you choose to the attire, the food, and the dishware. The above suggestions can be incorporated into other events as well, from anniversary parties to company picnics.

By making a few changes, you can do your part to make the Earth a better place and reduce the glut of landfill waste.

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